Just another bump in the road...

Sadly, that's how I feel. Again I just became someone elses bump in the road. And once they kicked it back into gear, 4 wheel drive, however you want to put it, and move on down the road... I'm smashed back into that ground just a little more. I've asked myself over and over and over again "What is it? Why me? Why let the feelings get this far? Why let me fall to know that in the end I'm only going to end up here? Why God... just tell me why?" At this point, God is the only one who can give me those answers because I haven't gotten one from all those drivers that have just gotten over this bump in the road.

When does the understanding and the healing take place... I mean for real? I have the good days, the days of being over it.... but then all the unanswered questions begin to linger once again. Whats so wrong with me? Why does it have to be my heart again? Prayer after prayer I asked for guidance, I prayed to be directed the right way, I gave the control of my life to the Almighty, but still why? Believe me... this drive home today was not a pretty one between God and I. As much as I hate saying that, its the truth. I was so angry, still so hurt, still so broken. This porcelain heart can only be glued back together so many times until the glue just stops working all together.
I played one CD the whole 6 hours home today.... over and over and over. And one song by the end of this trip just seemed as if it was playing louder than all the rest every time it came on...

I know it seems

Like this could be

The darkest day you've known

But believe you me

The God of strength

Will never let you go

He will overcome, I know

And the arms that hold the universe

Are holding you tonight

You can rest inside

It's gonna be alright

And the voice that calmed the raging sea

Is calling you His child

So be still and know He's in control

He will never let you go

Through many dangers, toils and snares

You have already come

His grace has brought you safe this far

(And) His grace will lead you home

And the arms that hold the universe

Are holding you tonight

You can rest inside

It's gonna be alright

And the voice that calmed the raging sea

Is calling you His child

So be still and know He's in control

He will never let you go

You can hope, you can rise, you can stand

He has still got the whole world in His hands

You can hope, you can rise, you can stand

He's still got the whole world, the whole world in His hands

And the arms that hold the universe

Are holding you tonight

You can rest inside

It's gonna be alright

And the voice that calmed the raging sea

Is calling you His child

So be still and know He's in control

He will never let you go

He will never let you go

(He's) Still got the whole world in His hands in His hands

Still got the whole world in His hands

(Arms That Hold the Universe - Fee)

How can I question Him... the one who can hold the entire universe in His hands, question the one who is in control?? He knows exactly what He's doing, how He's going to do it, when He's going to do it, and He knows I will make it through. I realized today... to all those I've just been another "bump in the road" to, you've become my sign of direction down a new path that just brings me closer back to Him. This porcelain heart belongs elsewhere... not in this world or to its worldly things. God's preparing me, molding me, and making me into the one I need to be... for myself, for Him, for this world, and someday for that special someone... and He will never let me go... He'll never get over me, give up on me, or go around me. I'll never be His bump in the road.