You wanna piece of me??

"You wanna piece of me??"

Every time I hear those words I hear my grandpas voice in his ...whats left of a Brooklyn accent... and then the loud "Ehhhhh??" he puts after it. You hear someone say that and you think of them putting up the fist ready to fight...defend themselves. I've been saying those words a lot lately but not in that way. My "You wanna piece of me??" is more of a "Hey come take what you want... you wanna piece of my heart?? Well here ya go!" Instead of putting up my defense and protecting myself, I open my arms and say go for it!

Stupid stupid stuuuuupid idea.

Now I'm asking myself... "WHAT on earth were you thinking!?!?!"

Where is my heart now I wonder... probably in some distant land. I've given pieces of it away so many times that I'm sure its just traveled all around. I don't like to say I'm living with regret but in a way I am.

I know... I know... you're thinking "how do you just kinda live with regret... its either you do or you don't..."

Here's the deal... I regret one thing and one thing only. Giving my heart to so many who I should of known weren't the ones meant for it... when I should of been giving it to God to make it pure and whole so it will be ready to give to the right one. I don't want to end up giving a heart that's in pieces. I don't want to end up with it sitting on shelf all tattered and frayed... scarred and worn... barely beating anymore. I don't want to put a cast on it and pretend that its getting better underneath. I want it actually healed. I want it whole. I want it pure. I want it to be Gods to put in the right place...

At the right time...

With the right person.

Then it hit me... If you want a piece of me... GO THROUGH GOD FIRST!!! He has my heart and if that's what you're looking for, you must first be seeking Him and He rightfully gets to make the decision whether or not this is the right thing. After all... I am His and He is in control... right? If it's what I truly believe then it's what I need to be truly living.

And for the millionth time... I give back the control. And the only one I want having every piece of me is Him.