Why can't you define who you are on your own...

Maybe this is because I've come to peace with being with just myself... but I've noticed how much other people are looking to each other to define who they are. That they can't live life, be happy, be themselves unless they are consumed in a relationship with someone of the opposite sex. Why though??? Why must we have someone else define who we are when all it really is doing is hiding what we are meant to be?

I've struggled with this a lot throughout the years. It's always felt like a pressure to have to be in a relationship, all because everyone else is doing it. For some it gives them confidence. They've become the "big man on campus" because they finally got a girl. For some its winning the game. "Can't win anywhere else, but once I have that guy/girl I'll be the biggest winner of all." Then it turns into "I won the prize and now its time to move onto the next game." For some it makes them feel beautiful. "He tells me I'm perfect... that no girl will ever compare." But then he breaks your heart and you find out that every girl has heard "that no girl will ever compare." For some its to fill a void of what has been lost (not just physically but emotionally too)... a friend, a family member, someone you really did love. Rebound sound familiar in this case?

I'm probably making this out to be a harsh reality, like I've been hurt one to many times so I don't believe in love or that being alone forever is where I want to be but don't be construed by the words above. I defiantly believe in love. I'm madly in love already. And I don't want to be alone forever, in fact I'm not alone now. I'm just in love and in the presence of something different than what everyone else out there is "searching" for. You can define who you are on your own, but it's not a path many of us want to take. We're afraid of what we might find out about ourselves along that journey. It's easier to be someone were not and let the judgment from someone else give us our definition. It is always nice to have someone along for the ride but so many seem to be choosing the wrong one. It's like when you lose your keys. You search high and low to find them and of course they are no where to be found. The moment you stop looking for them, they appear. I searched high and low to find someone to walk down that path of discovering who I am only to find that I wasn't finding anyone, including myself. The moment I stopped searching He walked up, grabbed my hand, and is leading me on journey no friend, family member or guy could ever take me down.

Along the way I've let go of a lot. I had packed my bags to full for this trip and the heavier they were the more tired I was becoming. You hit a point of wanting to give up, to just be done with it. What's left out there if I'm doing this alone!?! "So much is left out there for you my child, so much! And you're not alone! I am with you always! Now lets lighten this load you're dragging behind you and walk together." Those words ring over and over in my head every time I feel alone in this. I set out with one to many bags of just junk, and now I'm carrying nothing but my cross. And I'm not doing it alone! I've found everything that the term "searching" wasn't giving me and I didn't have to search at all. I just had to have faith. And to know that I can be me by God's definition, instead of someone else, is so much more worth it.

So what the love of my life doesn't curl up with me to watch movies, take me out to dinner, or buy me pretty things... He does wrap me in His arms, catches my tears, hears my unspoken cries, knows every hair on my head and showed His love for me by dying on a cross. You really want to try to compare that to what any guy/girl is going to give you?

Fall in love with the Lord first. Let that be your love story. Let Him be there with you so you're not alone. And once you've experienced that, a go round with every first available won't be necessary to find what "meant to be" is. God knows your happy ending... after all He is the one who wrote the book called "Your Life". Let the author do His job and write the way He wants to about His main character... you.